From a very young age, I loved to sing … I would sing for hours in my room, usually with a curling iron as a makeshift microphone.  Privately, I was Carrie Underwood (not really!); publicly, I would totally clam up; afraid I wasn’t good enough … afraid of what other people might think … but most of all, afraid of being heard.

 

Our local high school had a traveling group called “Songleaders”, and they would come to my elementary school each year and perform for us.  It was my dream to be in Songleaders.  I didn’t know how to read music, though, and had never taken vocal lessons.  By middle school, I had already been grouped into the “can sing, but not the best” choir (they called it “Chorale”; the really good singers were in “Select”).

 

Once in high school, I found some inner confidence, and actually made Songleaders!  My life was complete!  My dream had come true.  But I never got the solos; I felt intimidated whenever I had to sing a solo, and I was sure everyone was much more talented than I was … and they could read music, so, you know, how good could I be?

 

Years later, after becoming a born-again Christian, I found myself on the Praise and Worship Team.  Once again, as much as I wanted to sing and be heard, I felt intimidated – like I didn’t measure up.  As soon as I started to hear my voice come through the monitors, I would panic and pull away from the microphone.

 

Funny thing is:  it’s hard to sing well with the proper key and pitch when you can’t hear yourself singing.  Guess what else?  It’s difficult to sing when deep down inside, you really don’t want anyone to hear you!  It was a never-ending cycle of insecurity!

 

Over time, I have learned that my real passion in life is writing and speaking.  This presented a different kind of obstacle:  saying what was really on my mind, versus saying exactly what people wanted to hear.  I had learned to navigate life successfully by doing the latter most of the time, but after becoming a born-again Christian, I now had a new variable to contend with:  saying what was on my mind, saying what people wanted to hear, or speaking the truth in love as God revealed it to me?

 

As I have grown as a Christian and become better able to discern His voice, He has also helped me to become more courageous in exercising my own voice.  My words are important (scripture says they hold the power of life and death), so making them obedient to Him is of primary importance to me.

 

My life, but especially my words, have become an offering to Him; I want Him to use them for His glory, His benefit. 

 

“I love You, Lord, and I lift my voice to worship You, O my soul, rejoice!  Take joy, my King, in what You hear.  May it be a sweet, sweet sound in Your ear.”