I was sitting alone in the quiet stillness of my dark living room, unable to sleep. My husband and my 2-year old had long since gone to bed, and after days of visitors, doctors, and non-stop commotion, I was finally alone, and I knew I needed to pray. I started to form words and sentences in my mind, but it sounded stiff, formal, forced ... disingenuous.
It was Saturday night and my 3-day old infant son was not in the bassinette next to our bed like he should have been; he was still in the hospital, an 8 lb. 10 oz. full-term giant of a baby in the NICU awaiting transport by ambulance on Monday to the University of Michigan for open heart surgery. He had suddenly turned blue when the nurse was leaving the Mother-Baby room the night of his birth, and after days (and nights) of echocardiograms, the prognosis was looking grim.
I found myself at a loss for words; to be honest, I really had no idea what to pray for. Do I pray for healing? Do I pray for God's will? Do I pray for a successful surgery?
"Lord, I don't know how to do this. I don't know what to say."
After a few failed attempts at divine communication, I decided to look for answers in my Bible. ... I had read the Bible before ... but more as a "reference" regarding big, spiritual questions or "general guidelines for living". Never really for a specific answer to a specific problem.
Where do I even begin? There were 3000 or so pages! Just days earlier, without knowing anything about his congenital heart defects, we had decided to name our son, "Matthew", because it means "Gift of God", so I decided to begin there.
I flipped to Matthew and it opened to Matthew Chapter 6. ... Hmmm ... there happens to be a section on prayer, and I was just telling God I didn't know how to pray or what to pray for. Maybe that would be a good place to start.
The words cut through the dark silence like an audible response, and I sensed God's presence in a way I never had before:
"And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for your Father in heaven knows what you need before you ask Him." - Matthew 6:7-8
© I Lift My Voice, 2015.