He Tore His Robe in Grief
- Trish Gelbaugh
- Jul 23, 2023
- 6 min read
This is Part 3 of a 12-Part Series on Grief, Trauma, and Mental Health
Disclaimer: I have no training or background in the field of mental health. The thoughts expressed in this series should, in no way, be taken as professional mental health advice or a substitute for it; they are merely observations and insights that I have gleaned from reading, studying, and praying about these passages in scripture.
* TRIGGER WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS CONTENT ABOUT SUICIDAL THOUGHTS AND IDEATIONS *
The Bible clearly establishes that God thought very highly of Job. Before Job's losses, God describes Job as, "blameless", "a man of complete integrity", "He feared God and stayed away from evil", and "the finest man in all the earth" (Job 1:8). After Job's losses, God describes Job by saying, "he has maintained his integrity" (Job 2:3) and "said nothing wrong" (Job 2:10). And, after 39 chapters of Job's grief, desperation, and crisis of belief, when Job accuses God of being unjust, God affirms Job and tells Job's friends that Job has spoken accurately about Him, even though they have not.
Having clearly established that, let's take a look at Job's normal responses to his tragedies, trauma, and loss.
Job grieved! Openly, honestly, and demonstratively!
Grief is a normal response to any loss; even a singular loss that's much less traumatic than those experienced by Job. Unlike today's culture, people in the Bible had no trouble expressing and demonstrating grief, whether male or female.
Job "tore his robe in grief" (a common way of demonstrating grief and anger at that time) (Job 1:20)
"he shaved his head and fell to the ground" (another common expression of grief for the time period) (Job1:20)
"I wear burlap to show my grief" (another cultural way of publicly letting others know you are grieving) (Job 16:15)
"My eyes are red with weeping" (Job 16:16).
... Imagine if everyone in our culture who was grieving shaved their heads and wore burlap so that everyone they encountered knew they were grieving; we might be a little more sympathetic to other people's pain and suffering!
Job experienced depression
"Depression haunts my days." (Job 30:16)
That would be an understatement in light of the depression Job is clearly experiencing in the 39 chapters "in between". It's hard to find any one verse that adequately exemplifies it, but it's safe to say that you can't read the 39 chapters "in between" and not clearly know and understand that Job was deeply and severely depressed! "My harp plays sad music, and my flute accompanies those who weep." (Job 31:31) "I walk in gloom, without sunlight." (Job 30:28)
Job experienced anxiety and possibly even panic attacks
I think we expect people to experience depression after a loss or trauma, but it is also normal to experience anxiety. Although he does not use the term "anxiety", Job describes his anxiety by saying, "my heart is troubled and restless" (Job 30:27), "I live in terror now." (Job 30:15), "I have no peace, no quietness." (Job 3:26), and his friends indicate that he is "surrounded by traps and tremble(s) from sudden fears." (Job 22:10)
Job experienced a loss of appetite and weight loss
"I cannot eat for sighing" (Job 3:24) ... "I am but a shadow of my former self" (Job 17:7) ... "I have been reduced to skin and bones" (Job 19:20).
Job experienced sleeplessness and nightmares
"dark shadows circle my eyes" (Job 16:16) ... "I think, 'My bed will comfort me, and sleep will erase my misery,' but then you shatter me with dreams and terrify me with visions ... " (Job 7:13-14) ... "(I have been assigned) ... long and weary nights of misery. Lying in bed, I think, 'When will it be morning?' But the night drags on, and I toss till dawn." (Job 7:3-4)
Job experienced isolation
"My relatives stay far away, and my friends have turned against me. My family is gone, and my close friends have forgotten me. My servants and maids consider me a stranger. I am like a foreigner to them. When I call my servant, he doesn't come; I have to plead with him! My breath is repulsive to my wife. I am rejected by my own family. Even young children despise me. When I stand to speak, they turn their backs on me. My close friends detest me. Those I loved have turned against me." (Job 19:13-19)
And it would seem that people within the religious community have turned on him as well, "God has made a mockery of me among the people ... The virtuous are horrified when they see me. ... The righteous keep moving forward." (Job 17:6-9)
In Job's case, part of the reason he felt so isolated was because he had a medical condition which could, most likely, be spread very easily. However, even short of that, I think many times people, either intentionally or unintentionally, avoid people who are experiencing grief, depression, or trauma, whether it's for fear of saying or doing the wrong thing, or just plain necessity. "Life goes on" within a certain period of time for those not directly affected by the loss or trauma, but for those who are experiencing it more deeply and personally, time frequently seems to stand still.
Job experienced hopelessness
"I am utterly helpless, without any chance of success." (Job 6:13) ... "My days ... end without hope. ... I will never again feel happiness." (Job 7:6-7) ... "My hopes have disappeared. My heart's desires are broken." (Job 17:11) ... "Where then is my hope? Can anyone find it? No, my hope will go down with me to the grave. We will rest together in the dust!" (Job 17:15-16)
Job longed for the past
Chapter 29 begins with, "I long for the year's gone by ... ", and it is an entire chapter devoted to Job lamenting the loss of his former life. I think when someone has experienced loss or trauma, it is natural to think of life in terms of "before" and "after" the experience; it serves as a turning point, a point at which life will never be the same again.
Job wished he had never been born, experienced a loss of his will to live, and experienced suicidal ideation
"Let the day of my birth be erased, and the night I was conceived." (Job 3:3)
"Curse that day (the day he was born) for failing to shut my mother's womb, for letting me be born to see all this trouble. Why, then, did you deliver me from my mother's womb? Why didn't you let me die at birth?" (Job 3:10-11)
"I wish (God) would crush me. I wish He would reach out His hand and kill me." ... "I have nothing to live for." (Job 6:9-11)
He expresses thoughts of just wanting his pain to end, and feelings that heaven would be so much better than his life. I think most people who have suicidal thoughts or ideations are thinking along those lines; they are suffering greatly, whether physically, spiritually, or emotionally ... and they just want their pain to end. I am not sure how, in the church, over the past couple of centuries, instead of seeing people who are suffering from mental health issues as people who are in obvious pain and suffering, and in need of comfort and healing, we somehow have seen people who are "sinning" and somehow deserving of condemnation and in need of repentance. But apparently, it's not that uncommon because Job's friends managed to make that spiritual leap in just a few verses! That needs to stop! It is very clear in the book of Job that God did not see Job, nor his mental health issues, that way and neither should we!
Finally, and probably most importantly, Job experienced a "crisis of belief"
Job is a man of faith, and he is experiencing what I would attribute to a massive case of "cognitive dissonance".
Britannica defines cognitive dissonance as: "the mental conflict that occurs when beliefs or assumptions are contradicted by new information." According to Wikipedia, "In the field of psychology, cognitive dissonance is the perception of contradictory information, and the mental toll of it."
Job's experiences do not line up with his beliefs about God's character and behavior, and he spends 39 chapters wrestling with that!
Both Job and his wife had suffered great loss, but very little is mentioned about his wife's reaction to the loss. However, it seems to have caused conflict between them; while Job responds by turning toward God, his wife responds by blaming Job and turning away from God. There is research to suggest that a chronic diagnosis or death, whether of a spouse, child, or other loved one, can increase rates of divorce, and that would make sense because people may not react to the loss or trauma in the same way, and it may cause distance or even conflict between them. In the next post, we will take a look at different ways to handle grief and trauma (for better or for worse).
If you are experiencing thoughts of suicide, please tell someone! Do not suffer silently!
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is a prevention network of 161 crisis centers that provides a 24/7, toll-free hotline available to anyone in suicidal crisis or emotional distress. If you need help,
please call 1-800-273-8255 or dial 988.
© I Lift My Voice, 2023
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