This is Part 9 of a 12-Part Series on Grief, Trauma, and Mental Health
Disclaimer: I have no training or background in the field of mental health. The thoughts expressed in this series should, in no way, be taken as professional mental health advice or a substitute for it; they are merely observations and insights that I have gleaned from reading, studying, and praying about these passages in scripture.
Prior to his encounter with God, Job thought his life was over - that the best years of his life were behind him. But Job's losses and mental health issues were just the climax of the story - there was healing, restoration, and even joy and happiness on the other side of them. God had even more planned for Job after Job's losses and mental health issues than Job had experienced before them.
Most of us, at one time or another, have either drawn a picture, assembled a collage, or written a list of the things we hope to have or accomplish in our lives. As a Christian, we may have called it "the desires of our heart" (see Psalm 37:4); in the secular world, we may have called it a "vision board", a "wish list", or a "bucket list". It's possible we never committed it to paper, but we probably still have some sort of mental picture of our hopes and dreams, or what we might define as "success" ... and if we are at all confused or unsure about it, we will typically let the culture "fill in the blanks" with their expectations for us, whether that's the Christian culture or the secular culture.
I think one of the reasons our mental health has suffered so greatly since the onset of social media is that it has, in many ways, created completely unrealistic expectations and unattainable standards to try to live up to. If you are feeling depressed or anxious, many times (not always), there is a feeling that you just don't measure up; a feeling that who you are or what you do or the things you have are just not enough. But I have found that God expects far less of us than other people do or than we expect of ourselves. Jesus said, "Come to Me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you. (i.e. - Let's do this together!) Let Me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy to bear (i.e. - my expectations of you are realistic), and the burden I give you is light." - Matthew 11:28-30 (emphasis and paraphrases are mine).
I don't think it's necessarily a bad idea to have dreams and goals or to put them on paper, but there are several potential problems that can arise when we do so. The first is that we frequently don't consult with God beforehand. More often than not, we have our own hopes and plans and dreams, and we either feel totally responsible for making them a reality, or we ask or expect God to help us make them a reality. Even when we have sought Him first and feel like we have received some sort of "vision" from Him, we frequently have our own ideas about what that will look like, or we have our own plans about how we will get there. Regardless of how we arrive at what is on our real or figurative vision board, most of us feel as if the responsibility for making it a reality lies mostly or entirely upon us.
Another potential problem with this type of approach to life is that I guarantee you none of us put any problems, obstacles, or failures on our vision boards or in our plans ... not to mention any pain, suffering, or loss! I can't say I personally know of anyone who "planned" for a worldwide pandemic, and no one hopes and dreams to be diagnosed with cancer, lose their job, home, or friends, or have a loved one pass away. There will be times when, despite all of our best efforts, hopes, and prayers, someone we love dies, or that chronic illness isn't healed, or the marriage we prayed so fervently for ends, or the job opportunities just don't come. The whole point of Job is that many things in life are beyond our control, don't make sense, or aren't fair. Life is not as simple as a direct cause and effect, and those types of set-backs and losses are all an integral part of life. (See Ecclesiastes 3!)
Another snare people frequently don't foresee is that you can achieve all of the desires of your heart and still not feel happiness or contentment. For some people, nothing they do, accomplish, or acquire is ever enough, and for others, they may think certain things will bring them happiness only to achieve or acquire them and realize that they still feel unfulfilled. As actor and comedian Jim Carrey once said, “I think everybody should get rich and famous and do everything they ever dreamed of so they can see that it's not the answer.”
Christians like to quote Jeremiah 29:11 in the context of their own plans, but the verse states, "'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord." ... My "vision board"; not yours! God knows the desires of your heart, but, as Beth Moore once said, He also knows the heart of your desires. He created you; He knows you intimately and personally. He knows what will bring you happiness and fulfillment, and He knows the best way to bring it about. His Plans are good! And not only are they good, but they are infinitely better than yours - immeasurably more than you could ask or imagine!
However, unlike our plans, His plans most likely allow for some incredible highs, as well as some devastating lows ... not to mention what can easily seem like a whole lot of mediocrity in between! I can't think of anyone in the Bible who didn't experience a lot of both - tests, trials, and trauma (including times when God seemed despairingly absent), as well as miracles and blessings and times when God was supernaturally and miraculously present.
Many of us spend our whole lives trying to accomplish our own plans, or spend a lot of time and energy trying to avoid pain, suffering, and loss. But in order to fully experience God's plans for us, at some point, we will have to surrender to them ... we will have to accept that He is in control and we are not. As Proverbs 19:21 states, "Many are the plans in a person’s heart, but it is the Lord’s purpose that prevails."
Letting go of control and surrendering our plans to God may sound easy, but it is no small feat! Sometimes acknowledging the loss of our plans - our hopes, dreams, and expectations - can be the greatest loss we will ever have to endure. Job acknowledged this in the midst of his depression when he said, "My heart's desires are broken." (Job 17:11) and "My spirit is crushed ... " (Job 17:1). But by the end of Job's encounter with God, Job has found an inner peace that can only come from completely surrendering control of his plans to God:
"I know that You can do all things; no purpose of Yours can be thwarted. You asked, 'Who is this that obscures My Plans without knowledge?' Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." - Job 42:2-3 (emphasis mine).
© I Lift My Voice, 2023
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